Never underestimate the creativity (or perversion) of your players







DM gave my character a ring that allowed me to change a letter or drop a letter of a spell I could cast. The spell will reflect its new name. So a spell like Fireball would become Firball (sharp pine needles explode in a radius), Blur became Slur (if cast on a magic user, they can’t use spells with verbal components), Slow becomes Plow (till a field in a minute), etc.

I’m looking down my list of spells after I get the ring to see what mayhem I can cause & I don’t make it past the cantrips before I start laughing so hard I start to cry. I look up at the DM with a huge grin on my face.

“From now on I will only be casting Vicious Cockery at my enemies. It still does 1d4 psychic damage, but instead of insulting them, a disembodied dick smacks them in the face.”

Oh, man.  I love this idea!  I must try it!

Alter Elf – Changes the appearance of a single elf to suit your whims

Animate Pants – Especially effect when they are currently being worn by an opponent.

Arcane Cock – Magical penis activate!

Call Lightning Stork – Summons Zapdos.

Commute With Nature – Turns any beast into a mount.

Cone of Gold – Does 1d6 bludgeoning damage while creating 6d6 gold pieces.

Shit, I could do this all day!

Cone of Old – Makes everyone in the area of affect triple in age

Crown of Sadness – A plain, half-hearted pewter crown appears on the head of a target of the caster’s choosing, who is then overwhelmed with unbearable malaise, and who must then spend the rest of the encounter telling his companions all about it.

Viscous Mockery – Deals 1d4 psychic damage, but your words produce a sticky slime that slows your opponents to half their normal rate.

Charm Parson – A charm spell specially targeted at priests, whose will save is 5 points harder to make.

Bump – You can push someone aside magically, forcing them to move to an adjacent square of your choosing on a combat map.

Burning Sands – You make the sand in the immediate area very hot. Anyone not wearing shoes takes 1d4 points of damage per round, and can’t do anything but hop and swear.

Bleep – Whenever target tries to say something, their words are bleeped out. Prevents target’s spellcasting, but is definitely not silent.

Shatner – Makes the target enormously overact whatever they were going to do next. Any attack gets a -2 to hit because it’s easy to see it coming, casting a spell gives any observer an automatic success at Spellcraft to recognize what’s coming.

Glyph of Barding – Cast on a saddle. Rider can activate at will. Upon activation, mount gains a full set of armor for a few hours.

Ire Shield – Protects from being punished by an angry boss looking for someone to blame. Also protects completely against Ire Bolt, Ireball, Ire Storm and Wall of Ire, all of which target people with unreasonable anger.

Continual Fame – Target gets +5 to charisma checks against sentient beings that might be fans

Rue Polymorph – Any creatures within range under the effects of the Polymorph spell are trapped in their Polymorphed forms for the duration of the spell

Wind Wank – Target must make a wisdom save or begin an argument the next time they feel a breeze

Spider Limb – One of the target’s limbs is replaced with a spider leg for up to 1 minute

Raise Dad: Target becomes your father

Lump: Summon an Ooze

Power Word Shun: Nobody likes or wants to associate with target

Hem: Hem a piece of cloth

Knick: Steal a trinket

Detect Gold and Evil: You can tell where wealthy or Evil-aligned people within range are (although not which are which)

Heating Word: Heat something with your voice.